Is it possible for an adoptee to love their adoptive parents as much as their biological parents?

The question as to whether adoptive parents can love their adopted children as much as biological children has been asked over and over again. I don't recall ever seeing the question posed to adoptees.Is it possible for an adoptee to love their adoptive parents as much as their biological parents?
I understand why you're asking, but all of these questions are... off.





I love my adoptive parents. I will never stop. But do I love them more than my wife? Do I love my wife more? What about my best friend? Do I love him more or less than my wife or my parents? I don't know how to make these judgments.





I love my first mom. Do I love her more or less than any of these people? I don't know how to answer that question.





I didn't know her until a few years ago. When I met her, I immediately felt love for her. But I didn't think to compare that with other people.





The love I have for all of these people is different in each case. The love I feel for my wife is different than the love I feel for my best friend is different than the love I feel for my (adoptive) parents is different than the love I feel for my (first) mom.





I don't know how to make measurements of lesser or greater, better or worse love. It's love. It's different each time.Is it possible for an adoptee to love their adoptive parents as much as their biological parents?
Yes it is, at least for me it is. In fact in my case I love my adoptive parents more as they are the only parents I can remember. I couldn't love them any more if they were my bio's, for they are my real parents. I wouldn't know my bio mother if she walked up to me. Meeting her would be the same to me as meeting a complete stranger, I don't hate or dislike her but it's hard to love someone you don't know.


Love is formed from the bond that is created between people the greater the bond the greater the love, if there isn't a good bond there won't be a great love. But this is just my opinion
It is.





But the love I have for every person in my life that I care about is different and can't really be measured by how I love other people.





For example, I don't know or remember my first mom, but I love her for giving me life and also because she is forever a part of me.





And I love my adoptive parents because overall they are good people who love me and have made mistakes but are generally just human beings.





I wouldn't say I love any one parent more than another. But the love is different although it is still very very real.
for me, yes i love my adoptive parents as much as my real parents. Thing is, i sometimes wondered as a child and as an adult if i love my adoptive parents. Of course i do, but the thought has occurred to me so many times that i've actually sat down and thought ';is the love different, or the same?





See, i do love my biological parents, but i hardly know them. despite the fact my adoption was open, they weren't there a whole lot. So as people, i don't know them.
Sure it is. But my answer is the same for the reverse question. I love all my parents, but I am bonded differently to each of them. My ap's were pretty clueless as to how to parent an adoptee. I cant blame them, they only went by what the agency told them in 1965, which was a bunch of bunk.





But they were smart enough to realize the bond they had with my brother (also adopted) and I was extremely different from the bond they had with our sister, who was their bio child. They are realated to her. ;)





Same love, different bond.
The way I love my mother is very similar to the way I love my son--as opposed to my daughters.





My son was soooo ill that I very nearly lost him, and he's come back to me. I lost my mother for 22 years, too. And I have her back





I love them with a ferocious intensity that is a mixture of blood and loss. Like missing parts I have found and have made me complete again,





So the answer for me, is no.
My parents are my parents. My birth mother is someone who gave me up so i could have a better life. She didn't raise me, she didn't support me, she wasn't there for my ups and downs of childhood like my parents were. I have talked to my birthmother a few times, and talk to her daughter (who she kept) almost every single day. I don't resent her for not keeping me, but keeping her, because I know I was given an amazing life.


I think that anyone who says they don't love their adoptive parents has to be on crack. I'm sure 99.9% of the time, they were given a MUCH better life than they could have had otherwise. And what was their birthmother's other option?


Abortion.


I'm sure they are much happier being alive than they would have been not existing. Obviously.
I have 6 children. I lost the oldest one to adoption, gave birth to 3 more and got 2 step children that I raised from toddlerhood to adulthood. I love them all. On any given day, I like some better than others, and they have each taken turns at being my favorites. However, there is a bond between the ones that I birthed and the ones that I raised that is different. I 'recognize' the ones I birthed. I know them on a different level than the stepchildren. I love them all, but the genetic tie and recognition is just there.
yes of course.


i love my aps far far more than my first m, and i don't love the sperm donor at all. my godfather looked after me together with the fm for the first 2 years and i have always loved him as much as the fm. he was equally important even though hes not biologically related. i didnt know there was such a thing as biological relatives i just knew what people were to me. i thought he was my first father until i found out about the birds and the bees.
Mmm. Maybe.





j/k





Yes, I love my adoptive parents as much as my biological parents. I love them for different reasons. They've played different roles in my life. And frankly, there are days when I'm not especially happy with the lot of them. I'm sure the feeling is mutual. :) But yes, I love them all.
Yes absolutely . All love is different but that does not mean it has to be more or less. Someone is not going to love their spouse the same way that they love their child, parent or friend etc. Any relationships someone has with someone is different then the relationship they have with another person.





Love should just be that love unfortunately this is just not a concept many people understand or get.
I could not love my adopted parents anymore than I do, even if they were biologically my parents, because to me, THEY ARE MY PARENTS. Sorry if this seems harsh to you, but the parents that raised me are my parents.
It's possible. It's for the individual to decide how they feel about anyone.
Of course it is - although as with every other person on the face of the planet, the love is never 'the same love' from one person to another.
As everyone else says ';different kind of love'; but personally; I love my first mom more than my APs but that's just because my APs didn't know how to love me like their biological child.
I know that many will think of this as 'splitting hairs' but words are very important to me.





I'm going to agree with PhilM and say (as myself, not him) ';why all the comparing?';





Like LinnyG (approximately) said, ';It can be the same amount of love but not the same bond.';





I ditto that intensely!





I know you are referring to the many questions that have been asked along these lines but specifically regarding the most recent one... you aren't asking the same question (semantically). It may not to anyone else, but it matters to me.





That question did not ask if a parent can love an adopted child ';as much'; as a biological one, it asked if an a-parent can loved an adopted child ';as if it was their own.';





I think the answer to *YOUR* question is a simple yes. ';As much';? Sure. ';The same';? No way.





As Linny stated, it's not possible. It defies biology to suggest that the bond between two strangers who meet can be the same as the bond between two people (one of whom has dwelt WITHIN the other for nine months) who 'meet' (at the time of birth).





Can adoptees grow attached to and love their a-parents? Absolutely. But... you are not what we expected. You are not what we wanted (at the *time). You are not who we would CHOOSE to be our parent (at the *time) if we had a choice.





*I am speaking of newborn adoption here because that is the only kind I have experienced.





When a child is born and placed into the arms of the mother they EXPECT to hear, feel, smell, taste, etc. the bond is instant. All is ';right with the world'; for lack of better wording. When we are removed from what has been our entire universe, everything is wrong. Can we 'get used to' the new circumstances? Yeah, we can. That's just it, though. It's the BREAKING of our expectations from which the attachment grows... not the fulfilling of them. We have to stop looking for our mother before we can learn to love this stranger who is caring for us. We have to let go of the hope that we will get her back before we can accept love from someone else. That takes time... and children who grow up with their natural parents don't have to do it at all -- the connection of birth is an extension of the bond that already exists.





So there is, to me and maybe I am the only one, a HUGE difference between ';as much as'; and ';the same as';.





I believe (despite my abusive upbringing in my ADOPTIVE home) that love can grow infinitely. I believe that the AMOUNT (if it could ever be quantified) of love one feels for any other can continue to expand forever.





I know, though, that the bond I have with my mother will never be replicated anywhere, ever, by anyone. Period. There are remnants of my cells still flowing through her blood. Her DNA is in every cell of my body. I saw her for the first time in over 30 years (and for the first time ever ';from the outside'; Lol!) and I knew her -- instantly, primally, and familiarly. She WAS family... the only related family I had ever laid eyes on in my life. We spent the better part of an afternoon comparing physical traits and quirks. That night, as we ate dinner, we BOTH felt as though we were watching ourselves (me in the future, her in the past) eat in a mirror.





Well... I'm getting carried away. I can't give you even the ';I love them as much'; answer that many adoptees can. I don't. They abused me and didn't care a whit about me. Did they love me? If so, they had a strange way of showing it. Only they could answer if they 'felt' love toward me... love exists on the inside. As to love that is manifested in actions... they didn't.





I haven't forgiven them. I don't know if I ever will -- but I have tried. I'm still trying. I have a certain aching bittersweet memory of them (in the few moments where we 'almost' developed some fondness for one another) but I don't love them. Not at all. Certainly, I can't say I have ANY feelings toward them that would compare to the depth and intensity of the love I feel for my natural mom and dad.





But many adoptees have already answered here and I believe them. I trust their words and expressions implicitly. They know their own hearts better than anyone.





~Take care!
Yes, It's like the way a parent can love two of their children.





An adoptee should love their adoptive parents like people love their mother/father. That sort of love. The adoptive parents are the people that raised and loved the child. They done Absolutely everything apart from giving birth


An adoptee should love their natural parents in a different way as they love their a-parents. I'm not saying they should love their a-parents more but a natural parent who comes along 18 years later when the responsibly of taking care of you is gone just seems like a friend and not a mother because BIRTHERS ARE NOT MOTHERS.
Well for me personally, I love my adoptive parents much more than I could ever love my biological parents. Perhaps this is because I was given up at a young age and have not had contact with them since. I do feel sympathy for my birth-mother, since I know that she struggled to raise me alone for 3 years, but decided I would have a chance at a better life if I was adopted. However, I feel so much love and gratitude toward my adoptive parents. I was so wanted by them that they went through the long and arduous adoption process, and gave me endless love and support. My biological father did not want me, and pressured my mother to have an abortion. My biological mother gave me up. They are strangers to me, and I feel no love for them. My adoptive parents are everything, and I love them very much.
Yes. I plan on adopting when I get my B.A. Degree and Insha Allah get a job. I will live my adopted children the same as my biological children. I won't treat them differently from my bio children. I have too big a heart to treat any child differently from another.
Yes it is, adoptees are greatful that they were taken in and long for the affection and love their bio parents didn't or couldn't give them. However this takes time and committment from both the parent and adptee.
YES and you should.


They are the ones who have made the effort to preserve you.


They heard the angels call.